My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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