marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
