I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
