its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
