I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize