I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
