I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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