Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
