CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
