my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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