I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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