I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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