Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
