Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
