why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
