We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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