when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
