Christians are straight up FREAKS
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
