I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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