if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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