Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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