look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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