their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize