Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize