So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think your dad took our porno
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
