I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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