I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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