the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
