wrigley field is MILF paradise
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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