the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
