Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
