I hate all girls vehemently.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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