Michael Bay diarrhea
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
