Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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