I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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