Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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