all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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