Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
