ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
