he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
