soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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