i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
