Someone shit on the floor
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize