I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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