my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize