I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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