yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
