he shaved USA in his pubs
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
