Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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