I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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