Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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