I'm pants shitting drunk right now
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
