It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
