You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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