if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
