birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
