Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
