I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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