I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
