just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
