fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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