sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
