it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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