you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
