Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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