Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
