He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You had me at "let me see your balls"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
