He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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