His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
