This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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