She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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