was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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