In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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