Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
