Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
