god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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