You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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