Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
