Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
