Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
