so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
