I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
