We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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