I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize