i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
