3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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