Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
