? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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