I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
