Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
