I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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