So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
tell me about the fingering
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
