how can u be prego again
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
