I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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