I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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