He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
