When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
