You just made me feel so damn special
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize