Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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