I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
